Is your relationship stuck in a rut? Are things not quite the same since the kids came along. Well, Relationship therapist and Pleasure Professor, Louise Van Der Velde has some tips to try and get things back on track. Louise works with couples, helping them start to feel good about themselves again.
What work do you carry out with your couples Louise?
First of all we begin at looking at what they do to give themselves positive energy. We need to look at how that person feels about themselves. If you eat healthily, if you drink the recommended amount of water you’ll feel better. Go out for a walk daily. We look at how we can feel more energised.
Intimacy and closeness has to become a priority. Write down in your diary, if you have to, that in the afternoon you’re going to meet and you’re going to have two hours and have that one-to-one time. It’s about re-connecting with each other.
Massage is good, we use blindfolds to heighten the senses. You can use feathers to caress the body, feed them fruit. It’s all about one partner giving the other unconditional love. If sex happens that’s great but that’s not the main aim.
Many couples complain that they are tired and just want to sleep at night…
The hormone levels are at their lowest at night. Sit down, take five minutes and do the things that make you feel happy. When you feel better and sort yourself out that will be better for your relationship and the rest of the family.
What sort of feedback do you get from people?
I get a very positive response. It’s great when you get an email from someone you’ve helped. It’s a lovely job.
Many new Mums complain that they don’t have time for themselves anymore. What would you advice?
It’s so important that before you do anything you give yourself time first. If it’s important enough you can ask a friend to help. In that hour take time for yourself, whether it is going out for a walk, go for a massage - pamper yourself. When you give that gift to yourself you’re also giving it to everyone around you because you’ll feel better.
Start to really look at yourself, look beyond the physical. When you look into your eyes you see that lovely person. Think about when someone gave you a compliment. Begin to love yourself on the inside.