Joanne Gallacher
By Joanne Gallacher

The terrible twos: Hopefully a minor set back

Terrible twos tantrums driving me mad!

So the youngest daughter seems to have hit the terrible twos and she’s not even two yet - I demand a refund - they’ve arrived a whole two months early! I’m not ready yet, she’s only 20 months old.

I feel as though we’re being held to ransom by a human timebomb. She hates daughter number one being anywhere near me - she’ll push and shove to get her tubby little frame in between us. When she’s had enough though I’m discarded like an old pair of slippers. Heaven forbid if I ask for any affection, there is no way I get a kiss. That suggestion is greeted by a forceful “NO”. Kisses are for the smelly dog and sometimes the annoying Upsey Daisy doll - but never for Mummy, Daddy or Sis. I mean, we’re not family - we are slaves. We are like mice running round after her and she’s King Rat, or rather Queen Rat!

Terrible twos

We decided to build some brick towers yesterday, a great way to get her to count I thought - she did this quite well but her main desire was to bulldoze the toys down. They smashed to the floor and when I shouted open mouthed she ran over shoving her hand into my mouth as though she was about to post mail through a letterbox.

Her other trick is to strip off. Hang on, don’t get any ideas that she’s seen her mum doing this - she hasn’t. She goes and hides behind the chair as if she’s gone into a changing room. She goes behind the chair fully clothed in a babygro but re-appears from behind the furniture completely naked. Be warned, a naked toddler is a terrifying dangerous creature. Once extinct in our home the species has re-appeared. She must be approached with caution, the trick is to go about it with an element of surprise. Don’t startle her though as the clothes will never be put back on without crying, screaming and wailing.

I’m not quite sure what’s happened to my placid baby. She’s still adorable and much loved but she’s well and truly a handful!

I feel sorry for her big sister who’s started saying she feels left out! Like a knife through the heart of her Mummy those words. However, the smile on her face and the glint in her eye tells me that she knows exactly what she’s saying - little rascal!

These children know exactly how to stick the boot in.

Child number one has lots of time alone with me or her Daddy - she goes swimming and horse riding. In fact, her hobbies are costing us a fortune - we really should’ve saved up all the pounds and pennies she was given over the years and then she’d be funding herself!

Maybe we should start saving for cherub number 2 now. That’s not a bad idea actually, plus there are lots of savings accounts to pick from now. The latest one is called a Junior ISA, why not take a look at it. This savings account is a tax free saving aimed at under-18s born before the 1st of September 2002 or after the 2nd of January 2011 (those in between get a Child Trust Fund instead.

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